Church Bulletin Typos

These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service. Read them and weep!

• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

• Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Prayer and Fasting conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”

• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come on out and watch us kill Christ the King.

• Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

• The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”

• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

• Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

• The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be re-cycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person (s) you want to be remembered.

• Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm – prayer and medication to follow.

• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please use the back door.

• The eight graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend the tragedy.

• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

• The associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”

• Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”